Tall Tales​,​Tidy Towns

by Gary Showbiz

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Here is a collection of songs I wrote in 2014 while keeping Portarlington tidy.I had great plans to make a concept album called Tidy Townstrophenia,but me being me,I came down with a serious case of tidy townstrophenia and so that idea remained a pipe dream...Although I had good craic telling everyone who'd listen all about it.Maybe I talked it to death.
During that lost weekend I somehow managed to fuck up one of my hard drives and lost a fair bit of work,a years worth of videos and a few songs.Thankfully I was able to salvage this little lot here.
So,moving swiftly along,I'm banging this 11 songs out in advance of writing up another album,or something,I've no idea what currently.
I was outta action for the first 8 months of 2015 with a perforated ear drum,it was fucking nasty.
Rest assured though,I have regained both my sanity and hearing once again and am looking forward to a productive time ahead.

So without further ado.Heres some fucking songs.

Yours in homemade music.



released July 27, 2015

Everything sonic...Gary Showbiz
Artwork..Anthony Mackey



all rights reserved


Gary Showbiz Portarlington, Ireland

The artist formally known as Gaz LeRock aka GazzyWazzy,
Head honcho at Moutpiece,Retarded Cop and Hot Colossus.

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Track Name: Austerity In Aldis
From the country,they're all leaving
Gone to work with Uncle Stephen
In Vancouver or Toronto
Canada,Thats all that I know
Theres no jobs here only schemes
But people haven't lost their dreams
They've just become more realistic
Instead of cake they're eating biscuits

And I'm not having a very nice time
Tryna pay my bills online
I'm weighing up a life of crime

This was once a land of plenty
But it was run by heads with empty
hearts and souls as black as tarmac
They sold loans that we can't pay back
Now everybodies gone to Sidney
or contemplating selling a kidney
To pay the mortgage or clothe the chislers
Forget about Nike, you're getting Sizzlers.

And I'm not having a very nice time
Tryna pay my bills online
I'm tired of skulling economy wine
But I mustn't grumble cos it could be worse
I could be stretched out in the back of a hearse
Or rifling through my grannies purse
Or fighting with a psychiatric nurse

But I'm doing alright,considering the circs
I'm doing alright,with my artistic works

I'm going to Aldis I've three ninety nine
I'm going to Aldis,to spend it on wine...
I'm going to Aldis,they're open til ten
I'm off to Aldis,I'll be there and back before then.

Its looking up yeah its getting better
Cos I just found a brand new sweater
In a skip outside a disco
Fits me great now where should I go?
I might head to California
To seek my fortune making porn
And doing things I might regret
All over the internet

But now I'm having a jolly nice time
I just spent three ninety nine
And now I'm sitting writing comedy rhymes
To entertain and amuse my mind
But theres a moral, and don't you forget
That As bad as it is,it'll get worse yet
Like a broken arm that wouldnt set
When you rang a doctor and they sent out a vet
Track Name: The Children Of The Night
Have you ever thought fuck oh what the fuck am I doing?
Am I blazing a trail or on the road to ruin?
I wish for just a fucking second I knew
I wish for just a second that a dream would come true
Something small,it dosent have to be big
I'm not looking for a miracle,can I bum a cig?
I've had enough yeah of pretending I'm tough
Oh I've had enough I've had enough I've had enough

I always thought that I was destined to be
Someone fucking seminal,the living epitome
Of an artist with a vision to share
Oh a fucking artist like picasso or fred astaire
I go dancing and get outta my bin
See the fucking colors all the colors you never seen
Can you hear it them singing in the moonlight
Listen to the music of the children of the night

Have you ever been early when ya coulda been late?
Have you ever got high when yer supposed to be straight?
Ever felt bad cos you were doing you worst?
Have you ever been the victim of a witches curse?
Well lemme tell ya that I've done all that
I was fucking cursed by a witch with a cat
I'm not complaining cos the witch is kind
Shes the fucking reason I'm not losing my mind
Track Name: Fancy Phone
I just got a new fancy phone
Now I'm making instagrams
Reading shit I don't care about
Texting away all my plans

I'm not sure that I get the point
What has everybody done?
Are we all just avatars?
Is this the freedom we have won?

I just got a new fancy phone
It takes fucking photographs
Sends them off to outer space
Now everyone can see my face
Track Name: Franky
Franky,looks like an American Indian
I meet him out on the street
He's got long hair and headband
And cowboy boots on his feet
He's easilly into his 80's
Still smoking filterless fags
The original Midlands Cowboy
He's still one of the lads

Dressed head to toe like a ninja
Everything he wears is blacker than black
Looks like an old Willie Nelson
With a strong bang of a young Johnny Cash
He was there when the showbands were killing it
When he starts talking pay your respects
He laughed at the 1970's
Cos he was there at the invention of sex

Franky is a real bad ass
He'd drink you under the ground
He's old but he's compus mentis
He's smart yeah, he's been around
One look at all of his badges
You know every gig that he's seen
He was there at the birth of punk rock
Black Flack in 1917